I was drawn to a quote that said, “People who achieve their dreams have these qualities in common: They have confidence in themselves and a very strong sense of purpose. They never have excuses for not doing something and always try their hardest for perfection. They never consider the idea of failing and they work extremely hard towards their goals. They know who they are and they understand their weaknesses as well as their strong points. They can accept and benefit from criticism and they know when to defend what they are doing. They are creative people who are not afraid to be a little different.”

I agree. They DO have all those things in common. But guess what? So do those people who valiantly TRY armed with all those strengths and fail.

Don’t be shocked that I’m using the word fail. The only time the word fail has monumental overtones is when you’re trying to get the warp core back online before the Klingons attack. If you fail, you’re cosmic dust. I’m using a silly example to introduce the notion that failure is not the END. Not the end of a dream. Failure is just another word for opportunity.

That was the theme of one of my shows on www.thatchannel.com. I called the show Dare to Dream. I could just have easily called it Dare to Dream and When Things Don’t Work Out Despite Your Best Efforts Then Fail Spectacularly, Pick Yourself Up and Try Again.

Instead of using arbitrary examples I listed MY failures to make a dream a reality, despite my best efforts. I felt a little nervous exposing my life. When you’re courting a coach you want to know that the person in whom you’ve placed your trust is a winner. You want to believe that they wear the mantle of success you’re trying so desperately to achieve yourself. You want them to be infallible and all-knowing. Wise and compassionate. You want to cry in their arms and have them tell you everything will be ok. You want a Buddha, a Christ, a Mother Teresa.

Respectfully I’m going to suggest that you don’t.

You want someone who has been in the trenches. Someone who has taken a walk through the fire and has come out the other side intact, whole, still laughing, still fighting, still achieving and most importantly who still BELIEVES.

You want someone who believes in YOU. Someone who’ll have your back. Someone who can steer you away from unproductive exercises and shortcut you to the essence of what it is you want to achieve. You want someone who is strong and not afraid to say no to you. You want someone who will never, never, never give up on you, on themselves or on dreams.

If you listen to the podcast of that show, listen with both ears. In one I’m telling you that I have failed many times. But hear what is being whispered in your other ear. I AM a Coach. I AM a Yoga Teacher. I AM a published writer. These were dearly beloved dreams I pursued relentlessly until I achieved them.

What I was suggesting is that along the way to achievement life is happening simultaneously. Challenges that you could never have prepared for are going to drop in front of you or sometimes on you like a ton of bricks. And if one of those bricks happens to fall on your head, it’s most likely that’s the moment that you’ll give in, give up and throw away the dream.

Or you can do what I do. Kick at those bricks for a while; swear a little. Rant at the unfairness. Then pick them up one by one and start making a path out of them, or a staircase or a new door you can walk through. Use these opportunities to see what you’re really made of. Let your strength of purpose and courage out for a little walk around the disaster site and watch them bare their teeth in a fierce grin. Eat those bricks for breakfast.

As I said in my show, for every one person who’s had a dozen or a hundred failures, there are millions of people who have never had the courage to even try. Don’t be ashamed of failing at something. Because what you’ll get out of it is a hundred times more valuable. The perks of success revolve around money. Let’s be honest. The perks of failure are infinitesimally more valuable than hordes of cash. Stock markets crash. Recessions happen. Divorce sucks your bank account dry. However, the value of failure can’t be stuffed in a wallet. You wear it like a shining armour. Guts, pride, patience, resolve, valour and self-esteem are all yours to keep if you take them as the gifts of failure that they are. No one can take them from you. They can never be devalued. They are priceless. They are the tools that will move a mountain of bricks.

Martin Luther King said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

So speak your dreams, honour your failures as teachers and carry on. The world needs you.

(for more info visit lindakaban.com)

Phil Keoghan is the host of that “amazing” reality series, “The Amazing Race.”

The native New Zealander more than walks his talk. In his book “NOW-No Opportunity Wasted”, he lets us visit his notion that none of us have to live SMALL lives.

He’s a bungee jumping, mountain climbing, parasailing, termite/slug eating, cobra blood drinking, iron man triathlon participant, husband, father and dreamer.

It all started the way most wake up calls come….when you’re about to lose something; in his case, his life. He was 19, scuba diving, cut off from his crew and running out of air. Imagine!!! 19 years old with all of it ahead of you and moments from death. Whatever deal he made with the devil or whatever solemn vow he made to God worked because he lived to see another day. And boy has he lived.

Ok. Not all of us are Phil Keoghans. Most of us don’t get the opportunity to kiss death on the cheek well before “our time” in our 70’s or 80’s.  Not all of us take even the threat of loss to shake us up. What? You’re losing someone you care about? To inattention or indifference….or most heart breakingly, to death. So what? There’s always someone else to fill the void. Isn’t there?

I’ve talked about our “throw away” world before and at first glance it seems that someone like Phil and other extreme adventure seekers are jumping from thrill to thrill in an effort to “escape”….because what they’ve got isn’t satisfying enough….because they can’t hang on to an experience long enough to savour the richness of it. People like this can come across as flaky and scattered. I don’t believe it for a minute. In the acknowledgement portion of his book, Keoghan first and foremost thanks Louise, his “best friend, fellow adventurer, business partner and wife.” He thanked his “beautiful and fearless daughter” for inspiring him every day.

This is not a man running away from life and responsibilities. This is a man INVOLVING himself in life in every way. From the heart opening adventures of committed love to life embracing adventures all over the planet.

I’m drawn to people like this amazing man. I’ve never done a bungee jump or sat down with a tribe of natives in the rainforest or eaten piranha soup (teeth and all), but I’d like to think I’m not afraid of the possibilities of attempting my own version of life enhancing adventures.

I want to take a long motorcycle trip through the mountains, never knowing what’s around the next bend in the road, until I gasp with the pleasure of seeing it.

Although skydiving’s never off the table, a hot air balloon ride would satisfy my immediate need to float high above the earth.

I’m not a runner but I want to compete in a walking marathon.

I want to perform “Patricia the Stripper” from Chris De Burgh’s Spanish Train album on stage, in front of a very large audience.

I’m not into sharks but would love to swim with dolphins.

I want to back pack across Tibet.

I want to give a speech on the same stage as my heroes, Deepak Chopra and Robin Sharma.

I want to go zip lining through the Costa Rican rain forest.

I want to go to the Adult Space Academy in Alabama.

Those are just a few. None of them death defying. I don’t need that to FEEL alive.

What I do to honour my life is to always have my foot hovering to take that LEAP OF FAITH. Because that’s what adventure and love need. You never know what’s going to happen if you take that leap; but you never know what’s going to happen if you don’t.

(visit lindakaban.com)

I was in a Sales class once when the teacher asked us to whip out a “mission statement”, just off the cuff.

With little time to think I wrote,

“To compassionately and patiently listen with an open heart and assist with my strength people who are in need of direction, who want to learn how to focus their energies and who are committed to realizing their dreams.”

I heard a collective “ahhhh” in the class after I volunteered to read it. Not the kind of ah that comes out when you see a baby playing with a kitten, but a sigh of wonder.

So it got me thinking again about what I want to stand for.

Just before class that morning I watched a student toss their cigarette on the ground. A common sight unfortunately, but what made it worse was the fact there was an ashtray right beside her. I looked down and saw dozens of butts littering the ground. More than dozens. I was rife with disgust. Not because of the smoking. Because of the total lack of respect. For our earth, for the well kept grounds on which the building stands, and for the wizened old man whose job it is to keep those grounds clean.

I was only a visitor for the 8 week project I attended, but I made a point of walking up to him a few days later and telling him that I always use the ashtray. His smile of gratitude could have lit up the sky. I felt deeply for this fellow who could barely speak English, who’s as small as a twelve year old and whose lot in life is to clean up after the thoughtless disregard of a bunch of smarmy, overfed Gen-Y’ers flaunting their undeserved, unearned sense of entitlement.

What are they going to stand for?

I was told by one of my classmates, “Linda you can’t save everyone.”

See, they got it wrong. It’s not that I want to save people as much as I want to beat some sense into them. Less Mother Teresa; more avenging archangel with flaming sword.

I WANT to stand for something.

I WANT to stand for hope and trust. Faith is their mother and I want to teach people not to be afraid to BELIEVE.

I WANT to stand for excellence. Who wants to get home after a long day and sigh with satisfaction, “Yep. I was mediocre again today. Well done.” I want to challenge people to see their own light.

I WANT to stand for and beside the people who own my heart. Nobody messes with me or mine and gets to call me friend if they do. Unacceptable.

What’s your mission statement? I’ll give you ten minutes to come up with something that defines your existence. If you include any of the following words, then you’re already on the road to standing for a life that will resonate long after it’s over:

Love. Hope. Faith. Trust. Compassion. Kindness. Forbearance. Brave. Patience. Laughter. Solution. Challenge. Believe. Soul. Husband. Wife. Lover. Mother. Father. Son. Daughter. Friend. Joy. Happiness. Good. Humour. Brilliant. Well Being. Balance. Achievement. Dream. Care. Passion. Abundance. Gift. Bliss. Direction. Aspirations. Courage. Strength. Ambition. Inspiration. Success. Idea. Wonder. Awe. Privilege. Charity. Noble. Spirit. Comfort. Vision. Focus. Power. Excitement. Adventure. Gratitude. Virtue. Enlightenment. Possibility. Commitment. Honour. Loyalty. Miracle. Cherish.

Peace,

Linda

“When a woman has owned her passionate nature, allowing love to flood her heart, her thoughts grow wild and fierce and beautiful. Her juices flow. Her heart expands. She has thrown off crutch and compromise. She has glimpsed the enchanted kingdom, the vast and magical realms of the Goddess within her. Here all things are transformed………when a woman rises up in glory, her energy is magnetic and her sense of possibility contagious. We have all seen glorious women, full of integrity and joy, aware of it, proud of it, overflowing with love. They shine.”

Powerful images woven by a modern-day philosopher/goddess, Marianne Williamson.

I laughed when I read her words.

Just the other day I wrote to a beloved exhorting him to be patient and compassionate while I healed from an unexpected state of sickness and weakness to my natural state……of shining.

Who talks like that? How many women recognize their own glow? I didn’t, until my late 30’s. When the face looking back at me from the mirror started to look less and less like a disappointed housewife and more like a mysterious, sensual, powerful being….I realized transformation doesn’t begin in the womb and end at puberty. I believe, if a woman is open to it, uncovering her own glory can happen now. Today. Why are you waiting? What are you waiting for? Permission? Are you going to sit down beside your partner and ask, “Honey? I’m going to start shining today. Is that ok?”

Marianne continues, “Women are not powerless. we just pretend we are. We do this in large part because we are afraid of the punishment inflicted on us when we dare to be who we really are…….In the wild we scream. We scream when we hurt, we scream when we give birth, we scream when we come, and that’s just the way it is. Now what kind of man can handle our passion…..? A princess attracts a prince and a queen attracts a king. Women who whine attract men who whine. Women full of the lioness heart attract men who are full of the lion.”

I read this perfect little book of Williamson’s and laughed ’til the tears came down my cheeks. I was tickled to read the words that I live by, written by another shining woman. I cannot compete with her wisdom; only do I want to share the idea that “A Woman’s Worth” is entirely in her own hands and well within her capacity to uphold.

I know women who shrink, who hold back, who settle and who cannot tell you the last time she knew joy. I feel for you. I really do. But I also want to kick your ass. Go to the mirror and look at the Goddess looking back at you. She wants you to shine.

In May of 2008 I graduated from an incredible business opportunity created by the Canadian government. It was two months of concentrated classes designed to whip wannabes into entrepreneurs. Met some great folks and as in all intense situations where humans are thrown together in a common cause, you develop warm and fuzzy feelings for people that in the “real” world you wouldn’t normally have extended the hand of friendship to just because of personality clashes and differences of values, etc.

Boy we were stoked…to the point that after the course ended several of us banded together and vowed to keep our enthusiasm alive by conducting our own monthly meetings. Sort of like rah rah sessions. Support and camaraderie as a new entrepreneur can not be over-rated. I invited everyone from the group to take advantage of my radio/TV show and to come and promote their business.

So the first couple of months went by and the meetings became more structured; less of a gab session and more meeting-like. We had a chair, a time keeper, a minute taker and huh….after we incorporated structure into the meetings a funny thing happened. People began to make excuses for not being able to attend. And eventually the meetings died a sorry death from pure apathy.

Apart from a couple of women who I bonded with, as a group we don’t communicate anymore.

Until last night. I received a forwarded email (also addressed to 20 more people) from one of the women in the course. There was no Hi, how are you. Just her signature; and when you scrolled, scrolled and scrolled the real message appeared. It was from  Sony Ericcson who wanted to distribute free laptops for their brand promotion. They promised that if you forwarded the email to 20 people you would receive their R320 laptop. Wow! Cool! Sweet! Sure.

Here’s my problem. It’s not the brand promotion by Sony Ericcson. As an entrepreneur I understand the need to get your name and product out there (by the way, catch my blogs and articles at lindakaban.com No. What I objected to was the fact that a women who hasn’t talked to me in over 9 months decided that she would use my name to get herself a free laptop.

I don’t know about you, but during the last ten years that I was employed the development of a best practices method through adherence to which we conducted our business became rote. I didn’t always like it. Being a maverick who worked best by being trusted and given a free rein, the Best Practices “bible” irked me somewhat.

However, as a lone businesswoman I see the merit in developing a personal code of conduct that includes such “soft” practices as: respect, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, kindness, compassion, open-mindedness, observance, and did I mention respect?

Look, if you’re going to develop relationships along the path of becoming an entrepreneur, tend to them.  If you believe a person or an organization has value to you then spend the time nurturing your associations. You cannot in all consciousness blow them off out of apathy and then expect to use their influence only when it suits you. Business relationships take time and care as much as personal ones.

In his “Top 200 Secrets of Success and the Pillars of Self-Mastery” leadership coach, author and wildly successful Canadian entrepreneur Robin Sharma has these few things to say:

#18 “By developing relationships with those committed to constant improvement and the pursuit of the best that life has to offer, you will have plenty of company on your path to the top of whatever mountain you seek to climb.”

#56 “Regularly send handwritten notes to your business clients and your other relations to strengthen the bond. Develop a system which reminds you to send something valuable to this network at least once every four months….Another idea is to send a recent article of interest to your contacts that you thought would interest them and that you continue to value their friendship. Relationship building should always be a central focus whether you are a CEO, a student, a salesperson or a parent.”

#129 “Become a committed and sincere networker. Cultivate new friendships. You will truly be surprised where people end up over the years and how small, kind gestures will help you later on in life. Treat everyone who crosses your path as if they are the most important person in your world. You will certainly meet with great success.”

I’ve met Robin a couple of times and I can say this for sure; he LIVES what he writes. There’s no faking the sincerity and enthusiasm of this man. We may not all become a giant in our fields as he has, but I believe that daily adherence to our own best practices will ensure that we create a path along which people will be pleased and maybe even honoured by their association with us. It should get to the point where your BEST practices become your only practices.

Peace,

Linda