I can dig this.

Dan Millman, author of “Everyday Enlightenment” said, “No one feels the same way all the time. Even if you are angry, depressed, crazy, afraid, or grieving, you’ll have moments when you are distracted. There are no enlightened people, no nice, bad, smart, neurotic, or stupid people, either–only people with more (or less) enlightened, nice, bad, smart, neurotic, or stupid moments.”

The more I study today’s self-development literature, and I DO read it all for my job as Life Coach  the more I realize there’s TOO MUCH. If you see someone walking around Toronto with glazed eyes and muttering, “you’ve got to be kidding?” that would be me having another talk with the Universe; the all knowing, all seeing source of our incredibly too complicated existences.

All the do’s and don’t’s; all the should’s and shouldn’t’s; all the must’s and mustn’t’s. You start to feel a little inadequate if you don’t start to see the results of your concerted efforts; if you don’t feel lighter of spirit; or if you manage to take a step forward and then get knocked 15 steps backwards by unexpected circumstances.

You can have done all the right things according to the 3, 7, 10 or 12 step plan dejour and still have little to show for your efforts.

And that’s when they come back, as Millman said, “….the angry, depressed, crazy, afraid or grieving moments…” 

And it’s ok.  So wipe the beatific smile off your face and give yourself a break.  The thoughts we all engage in while pretending we don’t are normal.  They are the expression of the frustration and inadequacy that can arise while taking the “road less traveled”. You wanna be a star in whatever you do; whether it’s as an entrepreneur, a parent or a spouse. You want to matter. You want to be valued.  You want to do whatever it takes to live an extraordinary life. But some days no matter how hard you try you devolve into those thoughts you think you shouldn’t be having. The non-productive ones….the “unenlightened” ones….the petty ones.

To help you deal with these “moments” that keep cropping up even after laying out a few thousand bucks for a weekend intensive or $29.50 for the latest self-help how to; I’m going to suggest an alternative.

Instead of trying to repress your base instincts, get to know them. In my article “Mind Tricks” I introduce a few books that teach you the “why”. Once you know why you think what you think it becomes easier to navigate those moments that can blow the lid off of our composure and confidence.  

(for more info visit lindakaban.com)

I was thinking about excellence and what it means.

I was once interviewed by a young reporter from NOW magazine. She was writing an article on chronic worry. I was concerned after reading the article. There was a HUGE omission in my quote. I was giving her my thoughts on how we all give too much mind space to worrying. I’m guilty of that. You know that small problem that starts as a twitch in your stomach and after you’ve dissected it and looked at it a hundred different ways, that twitch has turned into full blown anxiety accompanied in different degrees by shallow breathing, stabbing fingers of stress along your shoulder blades and maybe even a migraine.

What I DID say to the reporter and wanted to emphasize is, that worrying is useful in one respect. It makes you AWARE that a problem exists. Once you acknowledge that it exists, turn off the worry and turn your efforts to finding a solution. I know I can’t think straight when I’m gnawing on a problem. I’m thinking of the “what if’s” instead of the “what can I do’s.”

That article was read by a LOT of people. That one important omission by the writer could have affected people adversely. 

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Another day, I went to work out at a local YMCA. After tread milling for 30 minutes, I joined a yoga class. If my jaw could have dropped to the ground while holding my leg in the air at the same time, it would have. I was appalled at the total lack of professional ethics demonstrated by the teacher. She had 30 people in the class, of all shapes and sizes. A lot of the women and one man were either well into their senior years or infirm. The instructor had us do poses that it would be difficult for the very young and fit to accomplish. I was ok, firstly because I’ve practiced yoga for 36 years and am a certified yoga teacher as well, but I also know my body and what is and is not good for it. A lot of people lack that awareness. They want to look cool, or “in the know.” They don’t want to stand out in the class as the one who couldn’t do a pose. She let people twist their bodies into poses without any concern for the proper alignment. She never stressed the importance of linking inhaling and exhaling to certain movements. When she said, “We’re going to do some rock and rolls and then roll right into shoulder stand”, was when I got up and walked out of the class. Shoulder stand MUST be done properly because of the very great risk to the vertebrae in your neck. One small wrong movement could mean a lifetime of paralysis….and this woman had the class THROW themselves up onto their shoulders. I was horrified.

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And again this past weekend. I joined a Yoga Group through Meet Up.

(in an aside, if you have a hobby, passion or a desire to try anything from Rock Climbing to Bonsai, check out the Meet Up groups near you.)

I went through Meet Up because even though I have a devoted home practice I like to meet new people and value any opportunity to do so.

The idea was to meet at The Beaches on the shore of Lake Ontario in Toronto. After conducting a workshop on an island retreat last summer where we practiced yoga on the beach every morning as the sun rose, I was drawn to this particular Meet Up.

So we met at the designated location and were nervously joking about the looming black clouds over the CN Tower which we kept turning to watch over our shoulders as we headed east down the beach. The teacher found a spot under some trees, which had a few of us cocking our heads, since the black clouds were now issuing some pretty serious thunder.

Luckily, about the only structure on the beach, a sort of humungous car port was right beside us. As the first drops of rain fell we scurried inside and laid down our mats a few feet away from a Boot Camp Fitness group who were also seeking shelter.

The storm that came was not your garden variety sun shower, but a real monster. To us, under the eaves of our makeshift shelter, it just added ambiance. My blissed out state didn’t last long. Once again, I was faced with being taught by a very lovely, but inexperienced yogini. As I covertly watched the other folks in the class, I was in utter disbelief as they contorted into poses they were not meant to do at their stage of development, nor were their limbs in alignment and nor was the teacher even aware that her students’ underlying skeletons and over-laying musculature were being compromised.

It took everything I had to keep my mouth shut. When they suggested a walk along the beach after class, I begged off saying I had an appointment. I did not. Even this morning I am struggling with the decision whether or not to write to that gentle teacher and somehow, very respectfully, offer feedback without it sounding accusatory. I was classically and correctly trained by some yoga big shots whose first order of the day is to teach safety and correct alignment. So do I destroy a young woman’s faith in herself or let her continue unaware, and possibly seriously injure one of her students?

Regardless of my decision, I’m thinking that it’s not a long walk from giving something the short shrift to giving it your all. The sense of accomplishment and pride is only the first reward.

I guarantee you that committing to excellence is not that hard. Colin Powell said, “If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.”

Do one thing excellently today and see how you feel. See how it affects the people around you.

If you don’t proceed with excellence it can compromise not only your own quality of life, but other’s as well.

Be excellent!!

(visit lindakaban.com for more articles)

In May of 2008 I graduated from an incredible business opportunity created by the Canadian government. It was two months of concentrated classes designed to whip wannabes into entrepreneurs. Met some great folks and as in all intense situations where humans are thrown together in a common cause, you develop warm and fuzzy feelings for people that in the “real” world you wouldn’t normally have extended the hand of friendship to just because of personality clashes and differences of values, etc.

Boy we were stoked…to the point that after the course ended several of us banded together and vowed to keep our enthusiasm alive by conducting our own monthly meetings. Sort of like rah rah sessions. Support and camaraderie as a new entrepreneur can not be over-rated. I invited everyone from the group to take advantage of my radio/TV show and to come and promote their business.

So the first couple of months went by and the meetings became more structured; less of a gab session and more meeting-like. We had a chair, a time keeper, a minute taker and huh….after we incorporated structure into the meetings a funny thing happened. People began to make excuses for not being able to attend. And eventually the meetings died a sorry death from pure apathy.

Apart from a couple of women who I bonded with, as a group we don’t communicate anymore.

Until last night. I received a forwarded email (also addressed to 20 more people) from one of the women in the course. There was no Hi, how are you. Just her signature; and when you scrolled, scrolled and scrolled the real message appeared. It was from  Sony Ericcson who wanted to distribute free laptops for their brand promotion. They promised that if you forwarded the email to 20 people you would receive their R320 laptop. Wow! Cool! Sweet! Sure.

Here’s my problem. It’s not the brand promotion by Sony Ericcson. As an entrepreneur I understand the need to get your name and product out there (by the way, catch my blogs and articles at lindakaban.com No. What I objected to was the fact that a women who hasn’t talked to me in over 9 months decided that she would use my name to get herself a free laptop.

I don’t know about you, but during the last ten years that I was employed the development of a best practices method through adherence to which we conducted our business became rote. I didn’t always like it. Being a maverick who worked best by being trusted and given a free rein, the Best Practices “bible” irked me somewhat.

However, as a lone businesswoman I see the merit in developing a personal code of conduct that includes such “soft” practices as: respect, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, kindness, compassion, open-mindedness, observance, and did I mention respect?

Look, if you’re going to develop relationships along the path of becoming an entrepreneur, tend to them.  If you believe a person or an organization has value to you then spend the time nurturing your associations. You cannot in all consciousness blow them off out of apathy and then expect to use their influence only when it suits you. Business relationships take time and care as much as personal ones.

In his “Top 200 Secrets of Success and the Pillars of Self-Mastery” leadership coach, author and wildly successful Canadian entrepreneur Robin Sharma has these few things to say:

#18 “By developing relationships with those committed to constant improvement and the pursuit of the best that life has to offer, you will have plenty of company on your path to the top of whatever mountain you seek to climb.”

#56 “Regularly send handwritten notes to your business clients and your other relations to strengthen the bond. Develop a system which reminds you to send something valuable to this network at least once every four months….Another idea is to send a recent article of interest to your contacts that you thought would interest them and that you continue to value their friendship. Relationship building should always be a central focus whether you are a CEO, a student, a salesperson or a parent.”

#129 “Become a committed and sincere networker. Cultivate new friendships. You will truly be surprised where people end up over the years and how small, kind gestures will help you later on in life. Treat everyone who crosses your path as if they are the most important person in your world. You will certainly meet with great success.”

I’ve met Robin a couple of times and I can say this for sure; he LIVES what he writes. There’s no faking the sincerity and enthusiasm of this man. We may not all become a giant in our fields as he has, but I believe that daily adherence to our own best practices will ensure that we create a path along which people will be pleased and maybe even honoured by their association with us. It should get to the point where your BEST practices become your only practices.

Peace,

Linda